Times Square Tractor Takeover: My Hilarious Deere-Driven Disaster!
They say New York City is the city that never sleeps, but apparently, it also never expects a farmer to roll up in a John Deere tractor and take over Times Square. And yet, that’s exactly what happened. One wrong turn, one overconfident idea, and suddenly I found myself smack in the middle of flashing billboards, honking taxis, and confused tourists—on a tractor.
It all started so innocently. I’d trailered the old Deere into the city for a quirky farm expo. My job? Park it neatly, let the city folks gawk at some good, sturdy country machinery, then head home. Simple, right? Except, when you mix my questionable sense of direction with New York traffic, simple becomes impossible.
Somewhere between 7th Avenue and chaos, I missed the turn. By the time I realized it, I was surrounded by honking cabs and buses the size of barns. My GPS cheerfully chirped, “Recalculating,” while I, in a full-blown panic, muttered things not suitable for polite company. And then—it happened. I broke free of the traffic tangle, only to realize I had somehow rumbled straight into Times Square.
Let me tell you, nothing—and I mean nothing—prepares you for the sight of a John Deere tractor crawling past the giant digital Coca-Cola sign. The tourists lost their minds. Phones whipped out faster than you can say “viral TikTok.” A group of college kids actually started chanting “Deere! Deere! Deere!” like I was leading a halftime show.
Meanwhile, the locals? Oh, they were thrilled. Honking horns blared like a symphony of irritation. One guy leaned out of his cab and yelled, “Hey farmer! Lose your cows too?” Another shouted, “This ain’t the cornfield, buddy!” To which Henry the donkey—yes, he was riding shotgun in the trailer hitched behind—chose that exact moment to let out a bray so loud it echoed off the billboards. That only fueled the chaos.
In my defense, tractors aren’t built for city maneuvering. Every turn felt like threading a needle with oven mitts. I nearly took out a hot dog cart (the vendor shouted something about “tractor toppings”), and I’m pretty sure I gave a street performer dressed as the Statue of Liberty the scare of his life.
The NYPD eventually showed up, lights flashing. Two officers approached me with the kind of look that said, “We did not sign up for farm duty today.” One leaned into the cab and asked, dead serious, “Sir… is there a reason you’re operating a farm vehicle in Times Square?” My only reply? “She’s a Deere. She likes the bright lights.”
After some negotiation (and a whole lot of paperwork I’m still not sure I filled out correctly), they escorted me out like I was leading a parade. Henry brayed all the way, and the tourists cheered as if this was some planned performance art piece.
By the time I finally parked the Deere where it was supposed to go, my face hurt from laughing. It wasn’t the smoothest day of my life, but it was definitely one for the record books.
So yes, the Times Square Tractor Takeover was a disaster—but it was also the most hilariously unforgettable disaster I’ll ever drive into.
