Let’s talk about this, because it’s the most important lesson you will ever learn.
Your self-worth is dependent on nobody but you.
For your entire life, you’ve been taught the opposite. You’ve been trained to hand the pen to everyone else, letting them write your value. You let your parents, your teachers, your partners, your boss, and even complete strangers on the internet hold the power to define you.
Think about it. You get a text back—your worth goes up. You get ghosted—your worth plummets. You get a promotion—you’re a success. You get passed over—you’re a failure. You get a compliment—you’re beautiful. You get ignored—you’re invisible.
This is a fragile, exhausting, and heartbreaking way to live. You are living as a puppet, letting the world pull your strings, desperately hoping for a scrap of validation just to feel okay.
You’re asking, “How do I stop?”
Here, let me show you.
It’s not a one-time fix. It’s a practice. It’s the daily, gritty, and glorious work of taking your power back.
Step 1: Recognize When You’re Giving It Away
The “show” begins with awareness. The next time you feel that drop in your stomach, that rush of shame, or that spike of anxiety, pause. Ask yourself: “Whose opinion am I letting define me right now? Am I outsourcing my worth?” Just noticing it is the first act of defiance.
Step 2: Build Self-Trust, Not Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is based on what you achieve. Self-worth is your foundation. You build this foundation by keeping promises to yourself.
Here’s the practical part: When you tell yourself, “I’m going to get up and go for a 10-minute walk,” you do it. When you say, “I’m going to drink a glass of water before my coffee,” you do it. When you promise, “I’m not going to check his social media today,” you don’t.
These are not small things. Each tiny promise you keep to yourself sends a powerful message to your subconscious: “I am reliable. I am trustworthy. I have my own back.” You are literally showing yourself that you are the one you can count on, not someone else.
Step 3: Change Your Inner Dialogue
You must stop being the bully inside your own head. You would never dream of speaking to a friend the way you speak to yourself. The “let me show you” is this: The next time you make a mistake and your brain screams, “You’re so stupid,” you stop it. You say, out loud if you have to, “No. I am not stupid. I made a mistake, and I am learning.”
Your worth isn’t a reward for perfection. It’s a non-negotiable, pre-approved fact.
Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see it. It is not up for debate. It is not a committee decision.
This is the only source of validation that can’t be taken away from you. It’s the only approval that actually matters. Stop waiting for the world to tell you that you’re enough. Stand up, take the pen back, and write it yourself.
