(Video starts, you’re on #greenscreen with the Met Gala steps behind you)
Okay, you have to rate these Met Gala outfits with me, because I am genuinely, one-hundred-percent, jaw-on-the-floor SHOOK. The theme was “The Garden of Time,” and some people understood the assignment… while others, I think, got their invitation in the mail this morning.
I don’t even know where to start. My brain is whiplashed.
(Green screen changes to Zendaya’s first look: the blue/green Maison Margiela)
Okay, let’s just get this out of the way. Zendaya.
I… I have no words. I am speechless. This is art. This is fashion. This is theater. She showed up as this mystical, evil garden nymph, and I am living for it. The hummingbird, the grapes, the veil! This is what the Met Gala is for. She was a co-chair, and she set the bar so high, no one else could even see it. It’s dark, it’s romantic, it’s on-theme. 10/10. A million out of 10. She ate, left no crumbs, and then came back and licked the plate.
(Green screen changes to Tyla’s sand dress)
Next. Tyla.
When I tell you I gasped. I gasped. She came as the “Sands of Time.” Literally. This is a dress made of sand. And she carried an hourglass! This is her first Met Gala, and she did this! It’s creative, it’s gorgeous, it’s genius.
And the best part? She was so committed to the look that she literally couldn’t walk up the stairs. She had to be physically carried. That is the kind of commitment to the theme I demand. If you can use the bathroom, you’re not trying hard enough. I am obsessed. 10/10.
(Green screen changes to Doja Cat’s wet t-shirt dress)
…And then there was Doja Cat.
I’m shook, but for a completely different reason. I am just… confused. My brain cannot compute this. She showed up to the hotel earlier in a towel. A literal bath towel. And I thought, “Okay, that’s a bit. She’s going to have a massive reveal.”
This was the reveal. A wet t-shirt.
I know, I know, her stylist said the “flower” is cotton, and a t-shirt is “timeless,” but… no. Just no. It’s giving “I spilled my drink on the way here.” It’s giving “I just got out of the shower and forgot the Met was tonight.” The makeup is running, the shirt is see-through… I just… what?! I am so shook. Is this a prank? Is she okay? 1/10.
(Green screen changes to Lana Del Rey)
Okay, back to fashion. Lana Del Rey.
This is what I wanted from the theme. She looks like the ghost of a beautiful, haunted garden. She looks like she’s about to lure a Victorian-era poet to his doom. The branches, the veil, the ethereal, mossy colors… it’s like she was actually one of the “Sleeping Beauties” from the exhibit. This is storytelling. I am shook by how beautiful this is. 9.5/10.
I can’t. My emotions are all over the place. What were your ratings? Who left you shook? Let me know in the comments. #metgala #fashion #metgala2024 #zendaya #tyla #dojacat #lanadelrey
