Creator: Guess who’s home! After three grueling hours running errands—which, let’s be honest, felt like a week—I’m back! I missed my girls. I missed the sound of the coop. I missed the pure, unadulterated joy they express when they see me return. (Leans into the camera, whispering.) Just watch the excitement.
(The Creator opens the coop door with a flourish, stepping inside. The chickens are milling about, totally focused on pecking at the ground.)
Creator (Loudly, cheerful): Hello, my darlings! Papa’s home! Did you miss me? Did you hold a vigil? Did you worry about my safety on the mean streets?
(The camera focuses on a specific chicken, “Henrietta,” a large, prominent hen, who is pecking intently at a blade of grass. Henrietta does not look up.)
Creator (Whispering, slightly wounded): Henrietta? Are you seeing this? I was gone. I risked life and limb for your oyster shells.
Phase 1: The Dramatic Pause
(The Creator stops moving, waiting for a reaction. They stand perfectly still for several seconds, looking expectantly at the hen. Henrietta continues pecking.)
Creator (Voiceover, dramatic music swells): This is the moment. The recognition phase. The emotional reunion that justifies all the hours spent cleaning their coop. She is registering my presence. She is gathering her thoughts for a heartfelt, appreciative cluck.
(Henrietta finishes the blade of grass, shifts her body slightly, and begins pecking at a loose pebble instead. Still no eye contact.)
Creator (Dropping the mock-dignity): Are you kidding me? Are you actively trying to ignore the man who fills your feeder? I am the source of all good things in your life, and you are treating me like a blurry background tree!
Phase 2: The Attempt to Entice
(The creator decides to use the bag of feed as leverage. They rustle the bag loudly.)
Creator: Oh, I forgot to mention! I brought snacks! Fresh, delicious, premium scratch! (Rustles the bag again, louder this time.)
(A couple of smaller, younger chickens briefly lift their heads, look at the bag, and then go back to pecking.)
Creator: Wait, the snack bag rustle is usually an instant win! That’s my cheat code! You’ve broken the code! Have you already eaten? Are you full? Did one of you figure out how to order DoorDash?
(The camera cuts back to Henrietta, who has now walked a few inches further away from the creator and is vigorously scratching the dirt with her foot.)
Creator: Henrietta, I took a day off just to be here. I considered buying you a tiny little hat! The least you could do is a single, acknowledging nod! I need validation, chicken!
Phase 3: The Ultimate Indifference
(The creator drops the bag of feed with a frustrated thud. The sound is loud enough to startle a few birds, but Henrietta remains unbothered.)
Creator (Folding their arms, pouting): Fine. Fine! Be that way. I’m going to stand here and quietly soak up the atmosphere of your complete and utter indifference.
(The creator stands for another long beat, watching the chickens. Henrietta finally stops scratching. The creator brightens, anticipating the moment.)
Creator (Voiceover, excited): She’s done! She’s turning! She’s going to look at me!
(Henrietta lifts her head, looks around the entire coop, looks at the ceiling, looks at the floor, and then, without ever making eye contact with the Creator, she turns around and walks into a nesting box.)
Creator (Sighing, defeated): She left. She actively left the room to avoid acknowledging my presence. I traveled through traffic, spent my hard-earned money, and she just clocked out.
The Resignation
Creator (Looking into the camera, holding up the untouched bag of feed): This is the reality of #farmlife, folks. You pour your heart and soul into these creatures, you worry about their well-being, and they couldn’t care less that you were home. You are merely the food delivery service and the glorified bathroom cleaner.
Creator: And yet… I’ll be back tomorrow, begging for her approval and hoping for a fresh egg. The circle of unrequited chicken love continues. #chicken #chickensof
