If You’re Getting Freaky at Your Local Skating Rink, Don’t Sit Too Close
Look, we’ve all been to that one roller skating rink where the DJ is blasting throwback jams, the neon lights are flickering like a time machine to 1998, and everyone is just trying to have a good time without breaking an ankle. But then—then—there’s always that couple. You know the ones. They’re not skating for exercise, they’re not skating for fun—they’re skating for each other.
It always starts innocent. A hand-hold, a little wobble, maybe a dramatic spin that neither of them can actually pull off. Cute, right? But fast-forward five minutes, and suddenly they’re practically doing a PG-13 version of “Dancing with the Stars” right in the middle of the rink. Sir, ma’am—this is a family establishment. There are nachos being served 20 feet away. Please.
And it’s never discreet. Nope. They always post up right next to the benches, where everyone’s tying their skates or nursing their blisters. You’re just trying to mind your business, sip your $1.50 Sprite, and suddenly—BAM—you’re an unwilling third wheel in their love story on wheels.
The ultimate disrespect is when they stop skating altogether, sit too close, and turn that sticky rental carpet into their personal loveseat. Listen. If you want to whisper sweet nothings over the sound of “Cha Cha Slide,” that’s between you and the DJ. But some of us are just trying to not sprain an elbow out here.
Moral of the story: skate rinks are for falling, laughing, eating terrible concession stand pizza, and living out your roller disco dreams—not for turning row three of the bleachers into a rom-com scene. If you’re getting freaky, go outside, go home, or at the very least—don’t sit too close.
